Love and Forgiveness
by XtremeChiq
Summary: An MS fanfic, based on what happened after the season finale. I'm trying to make it different than all the other MS fics out there, so please R
1. Red Stain

**Author's Note: This is my first Martin/Sam fan fic, so I hope you like it. It takes place after the season 3 finale. I will not include spoilers in my story (or at least not include spoilers that I know of ;) ) The flashback is in italics, and it is made up. (If I use flashbacks from real episodes, I will credit them)**

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A chill came over Sam as she entered her apartment. The air conditioning gave the apartment a winter feel. "Ugh, I hate the cold," she muttered under her breath as she threw her keys onto the key-rack. Sam sighed as she pulled her hair behind her ears. She only had two things on her mind. A nice long bath, and sleep. God, sleep. She felt like a zombie. Working fourteen hour days, and not resting until she found the missing person was beginning to catch up to her. She could barely walk. She slumped down on the couch, and laid down. She looked at a red stain on her floor and suddenly memories of Martin came flooding in.

_"So," Sam said, attempting to break the silence between her and Martin. Sam took a chance, and decided to take the first step taken to advance their relationship from flirtation to more. The two seemed more comfortable in the cab, rather than in her apartment._

_"So," said Martin, as a reply to her ice-breaker. He took a small pause before speaking again "This is your apartment." said Martin, stating the obvious. _

_"Yes it is." Sam looked at him, and tried to resist the urge to move a little closer. "Luxurious, isn't it?" she said jokingly_

_"Oh, definitely." replied Martin. The two chuckled for a second before Samantha offered some wine. She came out with two glasses, and a bottle of wine. Martin took the bottle from her hands, and opened it for her. He poured her glass first, andthen his, like a gentleman. The two sat down on the couch, and began to drink. The wine was a nice substitute for conversation. But that only lasted for an instant._

_Sam rubbed her eyes before speaking, "I didn't think it would be this awkward"_

_"Me either," said Martin, almost in a whisper._

_"It's just. With work, and with my past, it's --"_

_"I know. It's hard. But it doesn't have to be this hard. I think we just make it harder." Martin began scooching closer to Sam, and placed his glass on the coffee table. His blue eyes were looking right at her brown eyes. "I mean, look at how much pressure we are putting on this situation. It shouldn't be this uncomfortable. We should be," Martin moved even closer, and was sitting so closely that they could feel the other's body, "great". Martin leaned in, and kissed Sam. Sam, shocked at first, surrendered his move. The kiss was exhilarating for both. Martin had finally got a taste of what he had wanted for so long. All those days, weeks of staring and admiring, had finally melted into a kiss. Sam had only prayed for someone as good as him, to be near her. This kiss only made her more sure that Martin was that guy. As Martin's hand moved lower on her body, Sam, forgetting that she still had her glass in her hand, dropped the glass, and put her hand onto Martin's back. The red wine spilled all over the floor, but neither cared enough to break the kiss._

_As Sam came up for air, she managed whisper out the words, "My bedroom. You haven't seen my bedroom." But then got enchanted into Martin's kiss again._

_The two got up and made their way to her bedroom, without breaking their kiss._

Sam rubbed her eyes, trying to prevent herself from crying. She made her way up slowly, and walked over to her bathroom. She filled up her tub, and began to relax in it. She was so comfortable. So much at peace, that she had not heard her cell phone ring, in the other room. A call delivering news, that surely would not have let her keep her peace.

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I'm not sure if all the chapters are going to be this short, but most likely, they will be long. Please leave me reviews so I know how I'm doing! With Love


	2. Third Agent

**Author's Note: Thank you so much for your kind reviews! Hope you like this next chapter...**

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As Sam, began to unplug her hair curler, after her long soak in the tub, she heard her cell phone go off again. She quickly ran to answer it.

"Spade"

"Sam, it's Jack. Why didn't you answer your phone earlier"

"Oh, um," said Sam realizing she must have zoned out during her bath, "I didn't hear it. Why, what's wrong"

"Come to Saint Andrew's Hospital. It's Martin and Danny..."

Sam nearly dropped her phone once she heard his name. She tried to catch her breath, but was almost unsuccessful. She could hear Jack talking, but couldn't make out the words. Her mind was focused on something else. How could Martin be in the hospital. He was always the strong one. Sure, he got hurt once in a while, but nothing too serious. He was the one that was supposed to make sure _she_ never got hurt. Still in a state of shock, she grabbed her keys and left her house, leaving the lights on, and everything.

Sam jumped into her car, and began to speed down the street. Once she reached a traffic buildup, she rumbled through her car, and found a police light. She threw it on the top of her car, and began to speed down, as cars cleared the way for her. Once she reached the hospital, she slammed open the glass doors, and made her way to the receptionist.

"Can you tell me where I can find Agents Fitzgerald and Taylor?" She said, almost out of breath from her run from the parking lot to the hospital.

"I'm sorry, I'll need to see some I.D." said the receptionist, implying Sam's FBI badge.

Sam went to her back pocket, where she normally kept her badge, and realized that she left it in her other pants "Um, I don't have my badge with me, but I can promise you I'm with the FBI"

"I'm sorry, but without official proof, I can not give out that sort of information." replied the receptionist. She looked back down at the paperwork she was looking at before Sam came.

Sam sighed, and then looked back at the receptionist, "Look, you happen to have two agents that I am very close with, somewhere in this hospital.Now I don't know what happened, why they are here, or if they're even alive, so you better tell me where they are before I have a heart attack, and you have another agent admitted!" Sam screamed, releasing all her emotions on the lady.

The receptionist was shocked by Sam's display, and checked her computer. "Agent Taylor is in Room 309. Agent Fitzgerald is in surgery"

Sam inhaled sharply at hearing that Martin was in surgery. "Um," Sam tried to collect her thoughts. This time, in stead of screaming, so almost began to cry, "do you know if Agent Malone is here?"

"He's with Agent Taylor."

Sam nodded her head, and made her way to the elevator. The elevator came quickly, for the hospital did not seem busy. Sam walked in, and weakly pressed the button for the third floor. Sam's mind began to fill with thoughts, "What if he's going to die. Oh my god, what if he already died. I didn't even get a chance to say goodbye. Or that I loved him. And want to be with him." Sam's eyes began to water. She slammed the stop button, and the elevator shook, from the abrupt stop. Sam let out a loud sob, and leaned against the elevator wall. She covered her eyes and cried as she slowly fell on the floor. She began to sob, letting out all her emotions.


	3. Won't Leave

Author's Note: The flashback in this scene are taken from the episode "The Bogie man"

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After a few minutes of crying, Sam realized that she needed to go find Martin, rather than wondering and crying about it. She collected herself, and wiped way the stray tears from her face. She pushed the stop button, causing the elevator to move again. She quickly pulled her hair into a ponytail, before the elevator doors opened. She turned to the left, and began to walk, before she realized that Danny's room is to the right of the elevators. She walked down the hallway, and saw Jack standing outside of room 309. 

"Jack, what happened"

"Uh, Martin and Danny were taking Adisa Teno, when two guys jumped out and fired on their car. It was Emil Dornvald and another man trying get at Teno. Teno's dead." Sam looked down in disbelief. It was not that long ago that Sam saw Martin and Danny in hallway with Teno. She never would have guessed that this would happen. Jack cleared his throat. "If you want, Danny's accepting visitors"

Sam mouthed, "Thank you" and walked into Danny's room. She stuck her hands in her pocket, as she gave Danny a friendly smile.

"Nice to see a familiar face." Said Danny. "Hmm. Never saw you in sweats before." he noted.

Sam glanced down at her clothing. She didn't get a chance to change from her sweatpants and t-shirt, after she received the call. "Well, someone didn't give me a chance to change, with their emergency and all," she said jokingly. She let out a smile, but then it quickly went away, when she noticed his wounded arm. "Does it hurt?"

"Like a mother," said Danny. Sam patted his arm, and pulled up a chair. Danny noticed her distraction.

"He's going to be fine." he told her.

"What happened. Like, how bad was he?" she asked with teary eyes.

"Uh, Dornvald and some other guy, jumped us and just shot the car to pieces. Saw them before they began, so I got my gun in time to get away with just a small injury to the shoulder. Martin wasn't so lucky. He got shot a couple times before I could get Dornvald. But I'm sure he's going to be fine. He's a strong guy, he can pull through," said Danny trying to reassure Sam, "He wouldn't leave you"

"It's a little late for that." Sam whispered.

"What do you mean?" asked Danny puzzled.

"He gave up on me," replied Sam in tears, as she remembered their conversation

_"Listen, I was thinking about your cousin's wedding, and um ... I would like to go. I mean, I'm a little nervous to meet your family, obviously, but I think you're right. I think it's time --" Sam managed enough confidence to say before Martin interrupted her. _

_"I already booked my flight," he told her. Sam was unsure of what to say . "Actually, that's not true," continued Martin "I didn't, but I'm going to. I'm going to go by myself"_

_Samantha was curious as to Martin's display, "Is something wrong? "_

_Martin didn't want to tell her, but he had to, "No, I just ... I don't want to do this anymore. "_

_"What?" asked Sam in astonishment. _

_"I'm just tired of playing games. And, frankly, I'm not interested in waiting around while you figure out your problems." He had waited to long to be with her, to lose it all by her insecurities. Martin thought it would be a better idea to stop it, before either of them got too emotionally involved. It was too late for him. He was in love. But maybe she wasn't. Maybe he could save her the heartache that he was going through. _

_"My problems. So, what are you saying? We're done? I mean, we're done?" asked Sam painfully. _

_"Well, not just like that, but yeah...I am."_

"He said he wasn't ready for my problems." said Sam, as she began to cry again. She tried to wipe the tears away, hoping that Danny wouldn't see them.

"Nah, that wasn't it." Sam looked up at Danny confused. "I'm sure he had a better reason. Trust me. This guy was in love."

Sam smiled at the thought. "You think?"

"Yeah. If this was high school, he'd probably be doodling your name all over his notebook." Sam laughed at Danny's joke. It was a much needed comedic relief.

Jack knocked on the door, interrupting the two friends. "Uh, sorry, but I need to get Danny's official statement."

"Ok," replied Sam. She patted Danny's arm, and gave him a kiss on the cheek before walking out of the room. She sat down in the seat next Danny's door, and took a deep breath. When a doctor walked by Sam stopped him and asked if he knew any information on Martin.

"I'm sorry, I have no information from surgery." he replied and continued walked.

Sam took a deep breath, and closed her eyes as she leaned her head against the wall. She wanted so hard to go to sleep. Just sleep, and wake up to find all this to be a dream. She closed her eyes, an image popped into her head. She saw Martin, and he was covered in blood. She quickly opened her eyes and tried to shake the image out of her head. She then shut her eyes again.


	4. Old Feelings Die Hard

**Author's Note: Thank you to everybody for their great reviews. Sorry for the lag in updates, my internet hasn't been agreeing with me lately. I tried a new style of writing, so this chapter may sound different than the others. Anyway, here's the new chapter. The flashbacks are written in italics, and taken from Chapter 3, the episodes "Malone vs. Malone" and "Lost and Found". Hope you like! (i just kinda edited it and changed it up.. so you might want to reread it if you already read it)

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"Sam... Sam"

Samantha quickly picked up her head and awoke from her slumber. She looked at Jack, who was trying to wake her.  
"Martin's doctor is here." he said. Sam instantly sat up and looked at the man in the white coat, hoping that the news he brought was good.

"Agent Fitzgerald will be fine. However, there was a small complication during surgery. He lost a lot of blood, causing his heart to stop for a few seconds, but luckily, we were able to revive him." Jack let out a sigh of relief. Sam, however was in shock. She came so close to losing him. She wondered what would have happened if he had arrived even a second later to the hospital. Would he still have survived? _"He wouldn't leave you..."_ Danny's words rang in her head. Once again, Martin had left. Only for a few seconds, but even that is too much. He came back though. Was Sam the reason? Sam's head began to hurt from thinking about it, and looked up at the doctor again. "He is still not awake from the anesthesia and the medicine, but he should be awake soon"

Jack nodded his head and asked, "Can we talk to him?"

"I'm sorry, only immediate family is allowed to see him"

Sam left out a sigh of relief. Relief? Why was Sam relieved to hear that She couldn't see Martin? Suddenly guilt took over Sam. So many excuses filled her head. What if she couldn't bear to see him hurt? What if Danny was wrong and Martin wasn't still in love with her? What if he didn't want to see her? Sam excused herself from Jack and walked off into the empty bathroom. She sat down on the floor and began to think again. Why was she so nervous to see him? He had always accepted her with open arms. Always, got her to let out her emotions and thoughts.

_"You okay?" Martin asked as he walked over to Sam. "You seem a bit out of it today." _

_"Honestly?" asked Sam, not sure if Martin would like the truth _

_"Yeah." he replied. He wanted Sam to be able to say anything to him. He wanted her to trust him. Let him take careof her._

_"I-- I kind of feel responsible for what's going on with Jack." There it was. The truth. The mention of the old flame. she felt it was her fault that Jack's wife was divorcing him. She was the one who had an affair with him. _

_"Right." Martin replied.Martinfelt skittish about the topic of Jack. As she said, old feelings die hard._

_"I'm sorry." apologized Sam. She didn't want to put a damper on the evening with her feelings. _

_"No. I'm glad you told me." Martin told her. It was the truth. No matter how he felt about her relationship with Jack, he was happy that Sam could confide in him. _

_"Yeah?" asked Sam, surprised to hear that someone took an interest in her feelings"_

_"Yeah. Okay. I got to get back to the tree." said Martin, excusing himself._

_"Okay." replied Sam, as she watched him walk off, carrying her heart with him._

Sam needed someone to help her figure out her emotions, and only one person came to mind.

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"Viv?" Sam asked as she walked into the hospital room. 

"Sam? What are you doing here?" asked Viv, as she tried to cover up her hospital gown with the blanket on her bed.

"Oh, um, I just needed someone to talk to, and I remembered that this is the hospital that you had your-- heart surgery. So, I asked Marcus, and he said it was fine for me to come in"

"What's wrong?" she asked in a gentle voice.

"Well, Martin and Danny got--" Sam began to explain before being interrupted by Vivian.

"I know. Jack already came by to see me, and told me what happened"

"Oh." said Sam, contemplating what to say next.

"So, what's the problem?" asked Vivian, showing concern for Sam.

"Um. I'm not allowed to see Martin right now. And," Sam sighed before confessing," I'm actually kind of relieved"

"Relieved?" asked Vivian, not expecting to hear that.

"Is that bad of me?" asked Sam, completely lost in her emotions. She began to breath in deeply, trying to hold back the tears.

"No," replied Viv sweetly. "It's never easy to see a loved one in the hospital"

"But-- "Sam sighed as she pulled up a chair next to Vivian's hospital bed. "I'm not sure if that's the reason why"

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"I don't think that the reason I don't want to see him, is because he's injured." Sam looked down, unsure of how to express her thoughts. "It's -- I mean -- things just haven't been the same since he told me he didn't want to be with me. And, I'm not sure if seeing him, right now, is the best thing. for both of us"

"Sam, he almost died. He could use all the friends he has right now." replied Vivian, making an attempt to comfort Sam.

"But what if he doesn't want to see me. I mean-- what if he doesn't even want to be near me"

"Sam." Vivian said. "I think you're just letting your insecurities get to you. He loved you. Old feelings die hard." Sam suddenly remembered a conversation with Martin.

_"Yeah. Well, I guess old feelings die hard." replied Martin after hearing about Sam's relationship with Jack._

_"They don't die," she corrected him,"They just fade, and then you feel bad that they faded ... because you wonder ... you wonder what they meant when you had them." her mind was wraped around the feeling of being cast away for someone else._

_"Well, I guess if they didn't fade, there ... there wouldn't be room for new ones." replied Martin, wanting to console Sam._

_"No," said Sam as she let out a small smile, not realizing the logic. "I guess there wouldn't." Sam looked at Martin, just realizing how comforting his baby blue eyes were. Martin looked at Sam, and saw down into her soul. There was a sad girl who wanted someone to care for her._

"They just fade" whispered Sam, as she remembered the look in his eyes.

Vivian nodded. "I think you just need the strength to face your emotions, and let someone in again. You're using his feelings as an excuse for yours. You scared. You don't want to have your heart broken again. And you afriad that seeing him, will only make youfall back in love with him, and that scares you. Once you can face your feelings, you'll be ready"

"Thank you," replied Sam, as she rubbed her eyes to prevent herself from crying. She got up and began to walk out, before she abruptly turned around. "Oh, I completely forgot the reason you're in this hospital. How are you?" she asked with concern.

Viv sighed, "I'm fine. Doctors, say I should be as good as new"

"Glad to hear that," replied Sam. "Get well soon. We need you." Sam smiled as she leaned in for a hug.

Sam began to walk out, as Vivian said, "Hey. If you ever want to talk, I'm willing to listen"

"Thanks." whispered Sam.


End file.
